14 December "finals finals finals!"

INSANITY! I have been at college for an entire semester now. I can't believe it - is it normal that I still call my dorm room "the room" and not "home?" Home probably will never be missouri.

The good news is that I think I've made up my mind about what to do. Though I remain torn about moving back to Illinois, I've started looking for somewhere to live next year should I stay at Mizzou. I think that's a good start; after all. I can't regress to my 8th grade mentality of "when the going gets tough, transfer." I already did that, and though things worked out just fine, had I stayed I probably would have been jim dandy, just like at Hoffman.

Speaking of Hoffman, I honestly miss it. And not even my senior year - I genuinely miss ALL of my years at hoffman. I miss having people to look up to and teachers that held your hand and guided you through life. I miss not having to walk outside to get to class and participating in activities that made you happy, not stressed out and obsessive.

I guess it's silly to miss something you can never return to.

17 November 1:15 AM "Carpe Diem"

"Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!
[Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.]"
- Horace, the dead guy who's works we're reading in Ancient World.

I will be the first to admit it. I love planning. I can spend hours researching different schools, different majors and daydreaming about my future life. In fact, that's pretty much my favorite activity.

The problem with that is that I don't spend enough time just enjoying my time NOW. There is plenty of time in the future for me to live out all those daydreams, but in the meantime, I should be taking advantage of my college career! I dreamed about this throughout all of high school and here I am, still dreaming about the next step in life!

It seems ridiculous, and part of it is that I am just not sure what I'm doing with my life right now, so the dreams are an attempt to measure what career path I should pick to be happiest. It's just that I'm here now, and I need to..well, carpe diem.

and besides, an infamous popstar tells us "it's not about how fast you get there, aint about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb."

<3 samet

Friday the 13th of Nov! 2:16 pm "whoo scary."

So I wrote this for an essay and then decided it didn't apply. Nevertheless I thought it was...decent. whoo for blogging.

Senior Prom

Sherrie Shepard from the View was at my prom. She flew out from California with some WWB wrestler, donned a dress and a corsage and came to my senior prom.

A few weeks later, my high schools “Greatest Story Ever told” themed prom was on national television with Sherrie saying things like “inner city school” and showing pictures of kids dancing to loud rap music.

That’s not all there is to my former high school. Sure, on the outside, you can look and see that about fifty-percent of students have minority status and there are certain aspects of my high school that may seem like “inner city” but the reality is that we are in the suburbs of Chicago and really, doing just fine. There are other schools who need the attention more, other students who are worse off than us.

When I watched that episode of the View I was shocked and awed that someone like Sherrie Shepard didn’t know what a real inner-city school looked like. It’s not mine.

Nov 10 11:28 PM "what am I DOING?"

If I leave.
If I leave, there's no coming back.
If I leave, I'm done with journalism.
If I leave, all the dreams I had of changing the world with meaningful news are gone.

Did I ever really have that dream?
Did I ever really want that? Or was I just trying justify wanting to be a journalist.

If I become a teacher, will I be satisfied?
If I become a teacher, will I be settling for something I don't want?

no.

I think I'm done here.

If I leave, I think it's for the best.

...I think...

waste of time!

wow i hate these. but im so narcissitic that i just HAVE to repost them.

STEP ONE:
Spell your name with songs.
Small Town Girl
All you need is love
Moment like this

STEP TWO:
– Name: Samantha
– Birth date:July 19, 1991
– Nickname: sam, sameth, samala
– Eye Color: brown.
– Hair Color: Brown.
– Zodiac Sign: cancer

STEP THREE:
–The shoes you wore today: black flats
– Your weaknesses: food. the good kind.
– Your fear(s): spiders, flying in airplanes, driving on the high way through any sort of traffic, death, confrontation. interviewing people and heights
– Your perfect pizza: pepperoni and pineapple.
– Goal you’d like to achieve: live a long and happy life. that's not too much to ask for, jeez.

STEP FOUR:
– Your best physical feature: um my hair?
– Your bedtime? Um, usually like midnight or one.
– Most missed memory? high school!

STEP FIVE:
This Or That…
– Pepsi or Coke? DIET COKE. love it.
– McDonald’s or Burger King: um McDonalds
– Adidas or Nike: who cares?.
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: ew gross.
– Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate psh duh.
– Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino.yum.

STEP SIX:
Do You…
– Smoke: Nope.. never have never will.
– Curse: chyeah. like a sailor..
– Sing: everyday. all day long.
– Dance: everyday. almost all day long..
– Take a shower everyday:yes. always. without faill.
– Have a crush: hmm i'm deciding.
– Do you think you’ve been in love?: hope not.
– Want to go to college: no. i want to go back to high school where i was a boss. for sure.
– Like(d) high school: LOVEd high school. go hawks!
– Want to get married: yep! that's why I went to college, to get my MRS degree ;) just kidding. sort of.
– Get motion sickness: only when I try to read in cars/buses..which means my trips back to IL are really unproductive.
– Think you’re attractive: um on good days. but not usually.
– Think you’re a health freak: absolutely not.
– Get along with your parents: yep. most times.

STEP SEVEN:
In the past month…
– Gone to the mall: indeed.
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos: um no..
– Eaten Sushi: Yep!
– Been on stage: hm past month? No i guess not. how very sad!
– Gone skating: no sir.
– Made homemade cookies: Nope..but i ATE homemade cookies. and they were tasty.
– Gone Skinny dipping: haha no.
– Stolen anything: nope! i am a good kid..

STEP EIGHT:
Ever…
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: haha no.
– If so, was it mixed company: n/a.
- Flashed anyone: psh no.
– Been beaten up: hahahaha..no never
– Shoplifted: as if.

STEP NINE:
– Age you hope to be married: I hope to have some prospect of getting married by the time i'm like 28. I don't HAVE to be married by that point though.
– Numbers of Children: um like one. max.
– Describe your Dream Wedding: somewhere good! like, England.
– What country would you most like to visit?: England!

STEP TEN:
In the preferred sex..
– Best eye color?: whatevez.
– Best hair color?: whateverr.
– Short hair or long hair?:Long, but not too long.
– Height: taller than me. i mean, if you're a guy and shorter than 5'3" though, you have issues.

STEP ELEVEN:
– Number of people I could trust with my life: quite a few.
– Number of CDs that I own: 1858 songs on itunes?
– Number of tattoos: zip.
– Number of piercings: Zero


Personal Quiz
Who were you with yesterday? Lukas and Nazie and Adam.
What woke you up this morning? Nazie.
Where are you? my dorm room
Is tomorrow going to be a good day? hmm no. i have a midterm. that i should be studying for right now.
Do you like anybody? I have no idea WHAT to think anymore.

THE PAST
Ever thrown up in public? haha once when i was like 10. i choked on some pizza and gag reflex...
Passed out because of alcohol? heh no.
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?: that i have a headache and should be studying.

THE FUTURE
What kind of home would you like? a good one! haha i don't know. lately I've been dreaming of going home to the good old state of illinois.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know anymore...I think I want to teach journalism and english. i think.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? at home in slumburg. working for D211 or in some podunk town in kansas reportering.

IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces? sure
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? pretty much every day i run into an object that would be easily avoided by a coordinated person..
Do you listen to music every day? of COURSE. its like, the best part of my day.
Do you still go trick or treating? i did until this year. i can't justify it anymore!
What was the last thing you ate? um dinner
Are you a fast typer? relatively.
Whats your favorite type of soda? DIET COKE.
Have you ever moved? Only to get to college
Have you ever won an award? yeah. like a lot.
Are you listening to music right now? i would be, but my roomie thinks i'm studying lol.
How long ’till your birthday? 9 monthss.
When were you the saddest in your whole life? uhm...7th grade
What time is it? 8:38
Do you use ebay to buy or sell? no
Who makes you mad? annoying people.
Have you ever heard a song written about you? hahah depends on what you consider a song..cause angela and i had a song for almost everything.
Something you want to happen in 2010? awesomeness
Honestly, do you miss 2008? um yeah..

HONESTY SECTION
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear? p¡nk :P
2. Honestly, whats on your mind? um trying to figure out life. no big.
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? not going to sociology.awesome.
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? um yeah. it's called ditching sociology.
8. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? angela!
9. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? um yeah kind of..
10. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? when people are unaware of how to pronounce illinois. or cannot make their verbs agree with the subject.
11. Honestly, do you bite your nails? yes. pretty much everyday.
12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? nooo.
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? um, i'm trying to decide.
14. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now? um no. not a big secret.
15. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? well yeah.
17. Honestly, are you in denial? uh no? about what?
18. Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? haha no..
19. Honestly, do you like anyone? gah I can't figure it out..
20. Honestly, does anyone like you? i don't know that either. useless.

ANGER SECTION

1. What do you do when you’re mad? um sing.
2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? blew up at someone.
3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? no. actually i don't think i've ever made anyone cry.
4. Do you swear when you’re mad? haha yeah. and when i'm not mad. i'm a horrible person.

CRYING SECTION
1.When was the last time you actually cried? um a couple days ago..
2. Ever cried yourself to sleep? probably during college application time..
3. Do certain songs make you cry? Um, i wouldn't say that the song itself makes me cry.
4. What usually makes you cry? um life.

HAPPY SECTION
1. Are you usually a happy person? yep.
2. What makes you the happiest? Friends:) oh and food.
4. Do you believe in yourself? most days..
5. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? haha doesnt usually happen but yeah :P

18 Oct 2009 6:32 PM "the pursuit of happiness"

Everyday in The Ancient World, my humanities course, our professor asks us questions. "What is Justice? Was that Just? What about Ethics? What is the difference between Ethics and Morals?" and so on. Today, Joe Green* asked us "Who in this room is HAPPY?"

Naturally, I raised my hand. It was instinctive. I raised my hand without even thinking about it.

Why did I do that? I spend so much time complaining, or thinking about things that bother me that it's almost all consuming. This morning I showered and my thoughts revolved around how much I dislike the word "blogosphere." And how much I dislike words the national media comes up with in the first place actually. (Generation O, prequel, islamophobia, islamic terrorism, etc.) Point being, I didn't realize I consider myself to be a happy person.

But I guess I do.

weird.


*who also has a lisp, which can be humorous at times, not going to lie

13 October 2009 11:29 PM "wait. what if..."

So for some reason, upon entering college I though that this would be a piece of cake. After taking awhile to figure things out, I'd emerge on top of the game, HEHS style.
Weird how things NEVER seem to work as I plan them.

But it's okay I guess. The problem I have now is that I have to decide. What am I going to do with my life now? I am here at this awesome school for journalism; it only makes sense to continue doing it. But what if I do and I realize that it's...well kind of not what I love? What if I love the idea of being in the newsroom not for the news, but for the room? I like the idea of a close-knit community working together for the greater good, but sans the sticky hairspray and backstabbing?

What if I wanted to be a meaningful journalist to help the world become a better place but really all I want to do is help others become better to make the world better?

and isn't that....teaching?

What if, theoretically, I just decide to become a teacher? Then what am I doing here at Mizzou? I mean, really. If I stay here and get a journalism degree then that would totally defeat the purpose of moving to Missouri! But if I stay and then get to Broadcasting 2 and totally hate my life because I don't "love what I'm doing " enough, then won't that defeat the purpose of college?!

But if I leave, then I started something for nothing. I failed again at something new. Everyone probably struggles a little bit at first right? I mean, at Hoffman, I didn't have that many friends until later on, even though they were all in English with me every day. It took time to figure out what I was doing and where I was going, exactly. I just had a vague idea to look forward to.

Maybe college is like that too. I have to take my time and figure things out.

Until that time, I guess my new life plan can include the best of both worlds:
Finish school here at Mizzou with a degree in English and Journalism and a minor in Spanish Language. Return to el norte and try to find a job somewhere in IL. (NOT Kansas or wherever everyone always says journalists start out). Or if I get to that point where I think I done trying to be a reporter, I can start doing what I think I might really be meant to do: teach others to be reporters and better writers.

<3 sameth

10 October 2009 10:05 PM "man i love college"

Okay, so there is this song called "I love college." It talks all about how we're supposed to, in college, drink all the time, party it up, etc etc, college cliche after college cliche.

...So why am I not doing that? Why is it Saturday night and I'm watching the Office? WELL, it's the episode of Jim and Pam's wedding, so I'm pretty sure that's excusable. But really. Am I not doing college right?

I think part of my problem is that I'm holding on to the past. I talk to more than one friend from Illinois each day. Possibly over the course of the day. When I'm with the few friends I have on campus, I'm telling stories about "back home" or comparing Missouri to home or high experiences to here...

Perhaps it's time for me to start building some bridges.

2 October 09 1:37 PM "el gripe del cerdo"

Lets just discuss how I WOULD BE THE ONE TO GET THE SWINE.

That seriously would happen.

Now I have to waste time on the internet rather than actually do my work. But whatever.

Okay. Nothing more to say. And no one reads this anyways lol.

Sam

30 Sept. 11:31 comedyyyy

Okay so rather than being productive, I have found myself thinking a lot lately. When I'm not watching Glee, the best show on television. Mainly, I find myself thinking back to high school and wondering what it would've been like if I hadn't been...well, myself. What would've happened if I had done pom pons instead of orchesis? Cheer instead of band or softball instead of swimming?

Would I have been a different person with a different outlook on life?

I am inclined to say yes, and I think that is the right answer. I mean, I believe that my friends shaped who I became in the cliche of high school. Because of them, I didn't do drugs or have the opportunity to turn them down. I didn't get drunk on weekends and crash my car. I made all of the right choices and prepared myself to go to Northwestern in Evanston, become a journalist, marry an engineer or doctor and live the rest of my life being able to do a job i love without monetary worries.

Anyone see the flaw in this plan? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? (sorry, I'm from Chicagoland, what do you expect..)

The flaw was that I didn't account for other variables. I didnt account for the fact that I wouldn't get into Northwestern, I didn't account for the fact that I would fail to find a high school sweetheart and I didn't account for the fact that I would eventually end up moving to Missouri for college. That threw a wrench in my plan..just a tad.

The thing is, as much as I want to mourn the loss of my future and as many times as Dom tells me about how awesome northwestern is, I think I can get over it now.

I went to high school and made some great friends and great memories. High school was the bomb and I am really tempted to come back and work there. Maybe I can make it the bomb for some future kids :)

None of that was where I thought I was headed at the beginning of this post, but hey.

It's life.

Sameth

home! :) Sept 26 1:32 am

in other news,

I'm home from college! It's weird being back, only not really. because I really missed home, even though I wouldn't admit it. Being here has kind of made me realize how my best friends aren't easily replaced. Actually, they're not replaceable. I don't even know how they feel, but at school I feel almost lost. there, i said it. okay, sorry I didn't want to go to a smaller school. In fact, I still don't really want to go to a small school; I just miss the support group of friends I had in high school. I really miss them.

Whenever I feel lost, I always plan things out. I sketch out some sort of life plan that I think will help me get through my...floundering.

As for now...well I don't have a good plan. I really want to stay at Mizzou. I like the campus and the dorms. The food is edible and my classes only suck because I'm in the sucky classes. But the other part of me wants to just go to U of I. Room with my friends and just fall back into that pattern of comfortable. Surround myself with my friends that I have known and loved for the last formative years of my life. Spend my weekends with my besties chillin' and watching the game or going out and painting the town red. Heroic late night study parties with pineapple pizza and lots of bubble tea or coffee breaks. Just like high school, only with later bedtimes.

But I guess that's not really what college is about, is it? Or maybe it is, but the POINT of college is to help you find more of those people to spend your days with.

I hope so, because (and since no one reads this), it's getting awfully lonely in Missouri. [sigh]

iLife project update? No go on the Tiger of Love, too much effort. Are doing that "Free Hugs" Campaign. It should be weird. Here is a link to the real one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Life update:

Well this weekend I went home, as I mentioned already. It's my little bro's birthday and homecoming, so it seemed like an excellent time to head home before the holidays.

I love it here. And I love my car and the fam and my dog. [sigh]

content :)

'night!

Sameth

this is getting redic 22 sept. 09

SO I'm sitting in sociology class and I figured now would be an excellent time to update my lack of readership on my life.

Well, for a while there I thought I wasn't going to get to come home for my little brother's birthday and homecoming this weekend. BUT I GET TO! :) Hooray for Dawn Heston and letting me take my exam later. I don't even know Dawn Heston. But I sure love her.I guess family birthday's are not exactly excusable..meh you win some you loose some.

I have also decided that the professor in this class needs to be more aware of his surroundings. Because today marks the second time that I have almost hit him while biking. Of all the people on campus, why do I have to continually almost kill my professor? I feel like that's a little unfair.

So later today, we're going to film our piece of poop iLife project. We're spoofing "Rock of Love" and "Tila Tequila" to make "Tiger of Love".

Truman the Tiger searches a mate and the four pillars compete for his affections only to decided that "Respect" "Responsibility" "Excellence" and " Discovery" are all equal.

Lame? Yes I think so. muchos gracías.

be jealous.

okay. class is getting to the review part, so I probably should listen. I have to take this final after all....

Sameth

22 September 2009 1 am (FML)

Today, I got to lay out at the school newspaper. I really like to layout, only I got assigned to work at 10 pm. Any time laying out is pretty good for me; after all I'm just a freshman. Thing is, I live at the exact opposite end of campus. So I take off at like, 9:30, hoping I will get there by 10. Five minutes into my walk, I decide to call my parents. This predicament - me, walking alone in the pouring rain sans rain gear - is, after all, entirely their fault. They are the ones that wouldn't let me bring my car with me to college saying "You won't need it!" Little did they realize the buses suck (not unlike my life missing my car) and that I would need to go into town if I ever wanted the really cool and hip stories for the newspaper.

So I rant for about 5 minutes to my dad before my mom gets on the phone and promises to get me rain-boots this weekend if I make it home. Just then, I reach the street from the pedestrian walkway. A huge black SUV rolls on by at like 35 mph in a 25 mph zone, and before I can even move, I am drenched from head to toe in street water!

It was an out of body experience. Like I was watching a montage of of misery in a film. Protagonist is down and out and wanders around in the rain with a crap umbrella...looks up and is drowned by a wave of water. Soaked by some jerks in a nice car. FML.

After crying into the phone for a little bit - I mean, you'd cry too. That freakin' sucks. - I continued on. Walking behind some buildings just off of the quad I see this really creepy raccoon run out in front of me. It stops, and stares at me with it's creepy green - looking bulbous eyes. It then runs into a gutter of sorts and as a hustle on by, I can see it's huge eyes just watching me...

IN SHORT. My life would suck so much less if my car were here. and if my parents had just bought the freakin' rain-boots I had asked for all of this crap could've been avoided.

COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED!

sociology class, constitution day!

Hello nothingness that makes up the audience of my blog!

I'm not exactly experiencing insomnia right now, but I rather am trying not to fall asleep.

Right now I've been assigned the least newsworthy article i think for the next issue. Student loan default rates are up in the state of missouri, but what's funny is that at Mizzou itself, the percent of people not paying back their loans in the last year was only .1%. and students at mizzou totally don't care about the rest of missouri?

[sigh] Oh well. It's a good chance to do some newsgathering. Though I've pretty much decided I'm not the biggest fan of news gathering in the first place. Fail? I think so. Maybe teaching is really where I belong. Eh whatever.

For Lukas, my one friend who reads this, I'm gonna tell you about my day!

Today I went to spanish class and corrected the teacher, probably only reinforcing her dislike of me. Seriously! She's probably taking off participation points even though she NEVER CALLS on me! Then back to my dorm room and just took a nap and researched a little for my aforementioned newspaper article.

THEN out to lunch with Lukas and we went to the farmers market on Lowry Mall which was cool and made me feel rather hip, until I realized that lunch cost me upwards of like 9 bucks. It was NOT that good, darn it!

Sociology class now, where I just skype video chatted with Steven and ensured my epic fail in this class.

Next, I think I'll go finish all of my research for this silly article and call it a day.

woot. another day in the life of a journalist.

Sameth

labor day at 3:15 a.m.

I'm not sure how my roomie manages to find people to talk to at 3 in the morning. I mean, I happen to know for a fact that everyone I know is asleep. Or at least are chilling in bed, trying to sleep.

Well, this is my first entry into this blog thing. I'm not quite sure how I feel about blogging. I always thought of blogs as sort of editorials that unintelligent people might accidentally think of as factual news.

So I'll throw this out there: This is not news. I might occasionally comment ON current events. But I'm probably going to just share the trials and tribulations of my life firsthand. Get ready for some unintelligent sounding words. and cues so you know how I'm "talking." For example: [sigh].

If you're reading this, you're probably my friend, but just in case, I'm Sam Kubota, I'm 18, from the northwest 'burbs of Chicago(Schaumburg/Hoffman Estates!), and attend University of Missouri - Columbia. My major (s) are Journalism and English. Maybe I'll be a journalist...maybe I'll just teach journalism. So far, I haven't met many journalists that I like. Thus, I am unsure if I want to spend the next 123209032098234 years of my life with them. I feel like that's a pretty valid reason.

AS FOR COLLEGE! Well, I got back from the U of IL vs. Mizzou arch rival game in St. Louis (which is about 2 hours east of here) earlier today. It was actually really fun; I had a great time cheering on the Tigers! It was also fun gloating over everyone else in the world who goes to U of I. Actually, I'm sure that was the best part. Haha.

So tonight I can't sleep and I'm pretty sure that it's the diet coke I drank at like 9. But the thing is, I have a really really high tolerance for caffeine so..maybe I'm just worried about...something.

Not sure what.

I did manage to go about two weeks without seriously missing my friends, but tonight as I lie awake, I can't help but think about them. I wish everyone were here right now; I don't think I'll ever find friends as good as the ones I made at HEHS. [sighs sadly]

Accidentally submitted my essay to my FIG class in the wrong format - had to email Nate and give him the right one...stupid vista. yet another thing to complain about.

They have these places called "Quick Stop" and "Jack in the Box" here. What does the North have that the South doesn't? Because I felt, for awhile, like we may be losing the coolness game.

We went to the best bowling alley with crazy "cosmic bowling" and all of these fun arcade type games. I am pretty sure I won one of the three games, so all 'yall better beware of my awesome skills at the bowling. Good thing I took Strides for two years and only learned to become only marginally better than average at bowling. Great. Just great.

Good news is that during gym, I got a lot of homework done.

Anyways, then we went to the 711 that Adam's parents own and he got me a free slurpie! Best gift ever!

Then I went to Walmart at like 11:30 p.m. and chuckled. There's a Kellie Pickler song titled "Small Town Girl" which is something reminiscent of a long list of things that are southern and small town-esque (i.e. sweet tea from a mason jar). "Driving 'round a WalMart on a Friday night..." is definitely from that song! Angela and I discussed being "southern" before I left for Missouri and I really feel like I'm just that much closer to accomplishing that goal.

Hooray for WalMart. Which shouldn't be open at like, 11. I feel like that's unnecessary.

Anyways, at WalMart, we broke all of the rules our parents ever set for us back in the day, when we shopped together. We turned up the music on the electronics to be as loud as it went and re-enacted epic football scenes. We rode the coolest bikes around the entire store because we are finally strong enough to get them of the rack! We didn't run into anything, don't worry. We bought school supplies that we needed...exciting...And I got a cover for my bike seat because my stupid bike is REALLY uncomfortable.

I'm still on the look out for someone who has a farm! with a tractor! Only then will my southern experience be complete.

Well, after I go to Waffle House for some midnight waffles!

more to come next time I can't fall asleep!

Sameth